Stop Apologising for Taking Up Space: The Self-Esteem Revolution Your Career Actually Needs

The bloke sitting across from me in that stuffy Sydney boardroom was apologising. Again. Third time in ten minutes, actually. "Sorry, I know this might be a stupid idea, but..." he started, before presenting what was genuinely the most innovative solution we'd heard all quarter.

After seventeen years of watching brilliant professionals sabotage themselves with self-deprecating language and constant apologies, I'm convinced we've got this self-esteem thing completely backwards in Australian workplaces.

Here's what nobody talks about: self-esteem isn't just some fluffy personal development concept your HR department wheels out during wellness week. It's the difference between getting promoted and getting passed over. Between speaking up in meetings and staying silent while someone else takes credit for your ideas.

And frankly? Most of us are terrible at it.

The Tall Poppy Problem (And Why It's Costing You)

Look, I get it. We're raised on "don't get too big for your boots" and "she'll be right, mate." But here's the uncomfortable truth: while you're busy being humble, your less-qualified colleagues are out there backing themselves. They're asking for raises, pitching bold ideas, and putting their hands up for leadership roles.

The data's pretty stark. In my experience working with over 300 professionals across Melbourne, Brisbane, and Perth, about 73% of high performers consistently undervalue their contributions. They deflect compliments, downplay achievements, and apologise for things that don't require apologies.

Meanwhile, the mediocre ones? They're out there selling themselves like they invented sliced bread.

I learned this the hard way back in 2019 when I was passed over for a senior consultant role I'd been eyeing for months. The position went to someone with half my experience but twice my confidence. The feedback? "We weren't sure you really wanted it." Turns out, my attempt at appearing "not too keen" had backfired spectacularly.

What Self-Esteem Actually Looks Like at Work

Real self-esteem isn't about thinking you're better than everyone else. It's about knowing your worth without needing constant external validation.

It's saying "I disagree" in meetings without prefacing it with "I might be wrong, but..." It's sharing your leadership insights without waiting for permission. It's understanding that your opinion has value because you've earned your place at the table.

Here's what I've noticed after years of working with everyone from fresh graduates to C-suite executives: the people who advance fastest aren't necessarily the most talented. They're the ones who believe they deserve advancement.

Take Sarah, a project manager I worked with in Adelaide. Brilliant strategist, phenomenal with clients, but convinced she was "just lucky" to have her role. She'd been in the same position for four years, watching junior staff get promoted around her. Why? Because she never applied for anything higher. "I'm probably not ready yet," she'd say.

After six months of working on her self-perception, she landed a senior management role with a 40% pay increase. Same skills, different mindset.

The Acceptance Part Nobody Talks About

Self-acceptance is where most people get stuck. We think it means settling for mediocrity or giving up on improvement. Complete rubbish.

Acceptance means acknowledging where you are right now without the constant mental soundtrack of criticism. It's looking at your quarterly review and thinking "fair enough, here's what I need to work on" instead of "I'm hopeless at everything."

I used to be the king of perfectionist thinking. Every small mistake would send me into a spiral of self-doubt that lasted days. One typo in an email? Clearly I was incompetent. Stumbled over a word in a presentation? Obviously I had no business being in that room.

This kind of thinking doesn't make you better at your job. It makes you worse. You become so focused on avoiding mistakes that you stop taking risks. You play it safe. You become forgettable.

The turning point came during a particularly brutal feedback session with my then-manager. After listening to me tear myself apart over a minor scheduling error, she said something that stuck: "You're putting more energy into beating yourself up than into fixing the problem."

Getting Practical About It

Self-esteem building isn't about positive affirmations in the mirror (though if that works for you, go for it). It's about changing how you operate day-to-day.

Start keeping a win journal. Every Friday, write down three things you did well that week. Not massive achievements – just regular professional wins. Solved a tricky problem. Had a productive difficult conversation. Delivered something on time and on budget.

After a month, you'll be amazed at how much you actually accomplish that you normally dismiss as "just doing my job."

Stop apologising for things that aren't mistakes. "Sorry I'm late" when you're actually on time. "Sorry to bother you" when you're doing your job. "Sorry if this is wrong" when you've done your research. Cut it out.

Learn to receive compliments properly. When someone says "great presentation," resist the urge to deflect with "oh, it was nothing" or "I stuffed up the middle bit." Just say "thanks." Full stop. It feels weird at first. You'll survive.

The Team Player Myth

Here's an opinion that might ruffle some feathers: being a "team player" has become code for "doormat" in too many Australian workplaces.

I'm not suggesting you become a self-centred nightmare. But there's a massive difference between being collaborative and being invisible. You can support your colleagues while still advocating for yourself.

The people who advance know how to do both. They celebrate team wins while making sure their individual contributions are recognised. They help others succeed while ensuring they're not sacrificing their own opportunities.

This balance is crucial for developing both confidence and effective supervision skills if leadership is on your horizon.

When Imposter Syndrome Shows Up

Everyone talks about imposter syndrome like it's some sort of career death sentence. Here's the thing: most successful people feel like imposters sometimes. The difference is they don't let it paralise them.

I still get it. Walking into client meetings thinking "surely they'll realise I have no idea what I'm doing." The trick isn't to eliminate these thoughts – it's to recognise them for what they are: just thoughts, not facts.

Your brain's job is to keep you safe, not to make you successful. It's going to try to talk you out of risks, challenges, and opportunities. Thank it for the concern and do the thing anyway.

Some of my best career moves happened when I felt completely unqualified. Turns out, feeling ready and being ready are two very different things.

The Money Conversation

Let's be honest about something most people won't say out loud: low self-esteem costs you money. Real money.

When you don't value yourself, you don't negotiate salaries effectively. You don't ask for raises. You don't pitch for better projects or bigger responsibilities. You accept what you're given and call it gratitude.

I've seen talented professionals leave hundreds of thousands of dollars on the table over their careers because they couldn't bring themselves to have confident conversations about compensation.

The market doesn't reward humility. It rewards value. And if you can't articulate your value confidently, someone else will get rewarded for theirs.

Building Your Inner Cheerleader

This might sound a bit woo-woo for a business article, but hear me out. You need to become your own biggest supporter before anyone else will be.

Start noticing the voice in your head. Is it encouraging or critical? Most of us have a running commentary that would make Gordon Ramsay look supportive. Would you talk to a colleague the way you talk to yourself? Probably not.

Treat yourself with the same professional courtesy you'd show others. When you make a mistake, ask "what can I learn from this?" instead of "how could I be so stupid?" When you achieve something, acknowledge it instead of immediately moving on to the next challenge.

This isn't about becoming delusional about your abilities. It's about being realistic in both directions – acknowledging weaknesses without catastrophising, and recognising strengths without diminishing them.

The Authenticity Trap

Everyone's obsessed with being "authentic" at work these days. But here's the catch: if your authentic self is constantly self-doubting and apologetic, that authenticity isn't serving you.

Personal growth means evolving past the bits of yourself that aren't working. You're not being fake by developing confidence – you're being strategic.

I used to think confidence was something you either had or you didn't. Turns out, it's a skill like any other. You can practice it, develop it, and get better at it over time.

The best part? As your confidence grows, so does your competence. Not because you magically become more skilled, but because you start attempting bigger challenges, speaking up more, and putting yourself in positions where you can learn and grow.

Making This Stick

Reading about self-esteem is easy. Living it is harder. Especially when you're surrounded by colleagues who are comfortable with the status quo of humble self-deprecation.

Start small. Pick one behaviour to change this week. Maybe it's stopping mid-sentence when you catch yourself apologising unnecessarily. Maybe it's speaking once in every meeting without prefacing your comment with uncertainty.

Track your progress like you would any other professional goal. Notice what works, adjust what doesn't, and keep building momentum.

Remember: your career isn't a charity case. You earned your position, you deserve to be heard, and your contributions have value. Stop acting like you accidentally wandered into someone else's professional life.

The workplace needs confident, capable people who back themselves. The question is: are you going to be one of them?

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Related Reading:

• Training Matrix - Practical workplace development resources
• Learning Pulse - Professional growth insights